i don't want to live like this, but i don't want to die

okay, so nothing justifies a second post today except for tomorrow being a holiday.

THIS SONG has been stuck in my head the past few days. love the guitar intro. can't play it, but it's wicked.

the lovely people of the internet pointed out in the comments section that the line "i don't want to live like this, but i don't want to die" actually originally shows up from VW's older song "Finger Back", and you're welcome for the lyrics video, because most of VW songs are 67% incomprehensible:

also, i think only this band can pull off using the words "etiquette", "exonerating" and "eviscerate" in one song, while casually incorporating numerous biblical references like it's nobody's business. also, is it technically plagiarizing to use a lyric from an old song even if it's your own song because yes, plagiarism works in mysterious ways, especially when you're in school and i feel like Ezra being an English major would've known this?? also, confirming his major for accuracy's sake brought me here, which is kind of a pleasant diversion from my original train of thought, which might be as random as it gets for me for tonight. i'm always way more curious about singers' ability to write fiction than their songwriting skills, mostly because the two are so different from each other and are almost equally hard. trying to manipulate truth to fit into the confines of a 4-chord song structure presents, i imagine, the same struggle as with a 60 to 80k-word prose.

as for "Off the Grid" by Ezra...he's got a quirky voice and a great handle on prose though nothing beats his old blog. that said, i'd like for him to write a novel, please.

additional bonus to this unexpected random: i discovered Switchfoot did a cover of Harmony Hall?!?!?!?!

if i remember the olden days correctly, they're the first band i ever saw live! so glad to see they're still around. their song "Stars" is classic.

Comments

Ya Hey

this is the kind of beauty i always aspire to translate to my fiction: this cover made me stop and notice the following lyrics as if it's the first time i'm hearing it: all the cameras and files all the paranoid styles all the tension and fear of a secret career and i can't help but feel that You see the mistakes but You let it go it hits me in a new way. "all the tension and fear of a secret career": how often i longed to just obey and finish my book already and query agents and take the plunge, jump into the river of doubt, trust God, let go . how it all feels so secret, this career that's yet to actually be born, held hostage by fear of failure, dependence on self, lack of trust in God's plans. this song is honestly so beautiful (and the cover even more so). it is the bare confession of a band in the midst of an almost existential crisis attempting to unravel the threads of a complex God who will not reveal Himself to the faithless, t

on being an unknown author...

...just remember that the famous reclusive writer j.d. salinger would've envied your anonymity. that thomas pynchon (of V. , The Crying of Lot 49 and Gravity's Rainbow) is probably still in hiding to protect his. the appeal of self-glorification by way of discussing the minutiae of your daily life that is prevalent in our culture remains a mystery for many authors whose only desire is to write without their own lives being eviscerated. in the words of salinger again: "I'm tired of being collared in elevators, stopped on the street, and of interlopers on my private property. I've made my position clear for 30 years. I want to be left alone, absolutely. Why can't my life be my own?" see, we make a grave mistake when we obsessively (key word!) identify with the owners of the content we consume and think we are One with Them and wish we could call them up after consuming their work. for one thing, in religious circles, that's called idolatry punishable

free

it's uncomfortable how quickly the heart can plunge into self-doubt at the mere presence of greatness. even trying to write out the thoughts in my head at the moment has me questioning the intention behind every word, and i cannot stand how self-limiting self-doubt is. being afraid of being judged and once judged being afraid of never being good enough and in turn we curl back into our carapace (hello, new word i just learned today), CTRL-T to a new tab to double-check every word used was used correctly just in case somebody actually comes across this little corner of the internet and judges you for the incorrect use of carapace and it interrupts the very stream-of-consciousness style you're trying to achieve by simply writing out the contents of your consciousness without thinking about it, no editing, kerouac-style, and achieving nothing but self-deception because you know deep down inside that none of this is off the cuff and everything was somehow, subconsciously, premedit

prose & praise

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