prose & praise

i was watching a video the other day on how to grow ginger and the gardener in the video said if you want to have a green thumb, the one crucial thing you need to do is this: PAY ATTENTION.  boy, how very little we pay attention. sometimes, we only pay attention when we want to be heard, or when we don't agree, or when we want to critique, or when we want to appear more knowledgeable.  but paying attention is much more than being able to pick out the wrongs that need to be corrected. paying attention means observation. sometimes it means not speaking at all. it means biting your tongue. it means reservation. it means wisdom. paying attention means knowing what you need to look out for--Look out for the dogs, the evildoers, said apostle Paul in Philippians 3. it means knowing what to keep yourself from and doing all things possible to avoid being caught in it. it means knowledge of right and wrong and the wisdom to apply this knowledge to our lives.  paying attention means regarding

so vampire weekend has this really old song called Hannah Hunt, right? a fan favorite but me being a late vw bloomer fan, i of course just discovered it, like, the other day, because it was mentioned on a thread when i was looking up lyrics for another vw song.  so then, me being me being like everyone else, ended up on YouTube to look it up and lo and behold a group called I'm With Her made a cover of the song and oh my goodness it's so beautiful. the change in chord at around 3:50 mark from E-minor to E...ooooooh, it's like butter on toast.  such a treat to my ears! you won't regret it.  vampire weekend is my #goals when it comes to writing. every lyric has a hidden meaning, every song so rich! just genius.

 would you believe that this song by Vampire Weekend called "Hold You Now": ...led me to this hymn called "Take my life and let it be" (originally written by Frances Havergal)? the sample VW used for the chorus was from the movie The Thin Red Line, and it was in a different language. a few clicks and searches later, and there ya go, found the original English hymn...ergo, new favorite! when this pandemic ordeal is over, it's my humble goal to watch the Vampire Weekend live. i love the scope of their creative genius, how they can take samples from other people and make songs out of them that are uniquely theirs. something i'd like to incorporate in my own work.   they're poppy, catchy, accessible to the masses but somehow, at the same time, esoteric and sublime.  perfect balance!

 

life is short.  too short to focus on failures and also to remain in them. too short to not seek the truth and to keep believing the lies. too short to not spend your time on things that matter but also to neglect the things that give joy and your deceived heart believes to *not matter*. too short to not love others and to this, i say, God's working on it.  too short to not forgive especially when you've been forgiven. too short to care whether or not anyone's reading your words especially when you've set it out to be, ultimately, an exercise in discipline. too short to chide yourself for never being consistent and too short to never try if it's for your own good. too short not be disciplined and too short to never rest because you insist on being *too* disciplined. too short to stay with the wrong person (seriously, find someone who loves you *no matter what*) and too short to take advantage of the right one (very important! show them every day you love them!). too

you are unrecognizable to me. versions of which i need a color dictionary to understand. your timeline undefined though diachronic your heartbeat asystolic though enduring your name a rose in unforgiven memories arising out of mimicked melodies i am forever unfazed unamazed unstained by what you have unattained with inlaid rubbish jewels of high brow thoughts and low level meaning you’re monochrome, darling & i’m aurora borealis the burnt orange glow out your window at five in the afternoon learn from old age wisdom “god, what have i become?” a ghost of narcissus drowns your folly frowns counting crowns with coffee spoons it's ending soon, it's ending soon a premature polaroid of violet gardens indigo burdens as every heart hardens dreams unrealized lies hyperbolized love cauterized you can only hypothesize  purposes to uncut film scenes reasoning of violent beings justice in unborn beginnings why you’re broken, darling.  hatred in bloom breaks the stars and the moon i am d

okay, so nothing justifies a second post today except for tomorrow being a holiday.  THIS SONG has been stuck in my head the past few days. love the guitar intro. can't play it, but it's wicked.  the lovely people of the internet pointed out in the comments section that the line "i don't want to live like this, but i don't want to die" actually originally shows up from VW's older song "Finger Back", and you're welcome for the lyrics video, because most of VW songs are 67% incomprehensible: also, i think only this band can pull off using the words "etiquette", "exonerating" and "eviscerate" in one song, while casually incorporating numerous biblical references like it's nobody's business. also, is it technically plagiarizing to use a lyric from an old song even if it's your own song because yes, plagiarism works in mysterious ways, especially when you're in school and i feel like Ezra being an E

 2017-10-17 we put way too much emphasis on superficial things and we value what's WORTHLESS. how do i move away from valuing the worthless, turning my eyes away from them, to focus on the right path? how do i balance my passions without getting distracted by things that ultimately don't matter? how do i control my emotions such that i don't compare myself to others? what is the root of this tendency to begin with? is it truly low self-esteem? or, digging deeper, perhaps disappointment in what i have not accomplished? and if so, couldn't this be solved simply by focusing on what is to be accomplished and setting out to accomplish it?! what is HARD about this? is the root of my procrastination fear? that, perhaps, by not accomplishing them, i will always have a reason to blame myself for lack of success. but what is success anyway?  how do i balance what's important in THIS life and the next? how do i align my passions with God's plans for them? how do i go about

real talk: where does self-righteousness come from?  also: where do people base their morality on (i.e. what's right and what's wrong) if they do not believe in God? where do we get off calling one person good and another evil? where do we get off pointing blame at others? where do we get off, judging everyone we don't agree with and collectively calling them awful for their actions?  the gospel has stripped me of all these rights, so i really need to know. God's words said i have sinned against the holy God and fall short continuously every day of His glory, and this revelation basically says my motives, my intentions, my actions ought to be based on what God has done FOR ME. i forgive because i am forgiven, love because i am loved, show mercy because i have been shown mercy, give grace because through Christ, grace abounds in my life.  so then...i want to know.  a person without God: where do you get off being morally superior over others and preaching your goodness a