this is the kind of beauty i always aspire to translate to my fiction: this cover made me stop and notice the following lyrics as if it's the first time i'm hearing it: all the cameras and files all the paranoid styles all the tension and fear of a secret career and i can't help but feel that You see the mistakes but You let it go it hits me in a new way. "all the tension and fear of a secret career": how often i longed to just obey and finish my book already and query agents and take the plunge, jump into the river of doubt, trust God, let go . how it all feels so secret, this career that's yet to actually be born, held hostage by fear of failure, dependence on self, lack of trust in God's plans. this song is honestly so beautiful (and the cover even more so). it is the bare confession of a band in the midst of an almost existential crisis attempting to unravel the threads of a complex God who will not reveal Himself to the faithless, t
it's uncomfortable how quickly the heart can plunge into self-doubt at the mere presence of greatness. even trying to write out the thoughts in my head at the moment has me questioning the intention behind every word, and i cannot stand how self-limiting self-doubt is. being afraid of being judged and once judged being afraid of never being good enough and in turn we curl back into our carapace (hello, new word i just learned today), CTRL-T to a new tab to double-check every word used was used correctly just in case somebody actually comes across this little corner of the internet and judges you for the incorrect use of carapace and it interrupts the very stream-of-consciousness style you're trying to achieve by simply writing out the contents of your consciousness without thinking about it, no editing, kerouac-style, and achieving nothing but self-deception because you know deep down inside that none of this is off the cuff and everything was somehow, subconsciously, premedit