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this is the kind of beauty i always aspire to translate to my fiction:  this cover made me stop and notice the following lyrics as if it's the first time i'm hearing it: all the cameras and files all the paranoid styles all the tension and fear of a secret career and i can't help but feel that You see the mistakes but You let it go it hits me in a new way. "all the tension and fear of a secret career": how often i longed to just obey and finish my book already and query agents and take the plunge, jump into the river of doubt, trust God, let go . how it all feels so secret, this career that's yet to actually be born, held hostage by fear of failure, dependence on self, lack of trust in God's plans. this song is honestly so beautiful (and the cover even more so). it is the bare confession of a band in the midst of an almost existential crisis attempting to unravel the threads of a complex God who will not reveal Himself to the faithless, t
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it's uncomfortable how quickly the heart can plunge into self-doubt at the mere presence of greatness. even trying to write out the thoughts in my head at the moment has me questioning the intention behind every word, and i cannot stand how self-limiting self-doubt is. being afraid of being judged and once judged being afraid of never being good enough and in turn we curl back into our carapace (hello, new word i just learned today), CTRL-T to a new tab to double-check every word used was used correctly just in case  somebody actually comes across this little corner of the internet and judges you for the incorrect use of carapace and it interrupts the very stream-of-consciousness style you're trying to achieve by simply writing out the contents of your consciousness without thinking about it, no editing, kerouac-style, and achieving nothing but self-deception because you know deep down inside that none of this is off the cuff and everything was somehow, subconsciously, premedit

hey 2021, i got one request for you

don't let me down.

interstellar - the movie

s o the other day i watched the movie interstellar, and suddenly realized, after the movie, how small I am and how big God is. my spirit searched for Psalm 19: the heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. suddenly, none of my words were good enough to praise the Almighty. to be a pale blue dot...an infinitely loved nothing...loved by He who is "of old" (as the Bible describes), the Creator of all things, through whom we have life.  came across this commentary about that chapter: The heavens declare, or are declaring, for the continuance of their testimony is intended by the participles employed; every moment God's existence, power, wisdom, and goodness, are being sounded abroad by the heavenly heralds which shine upon us from above. He who would guess at divine sublimity should gaze upward into the starry vault; he who would imagine infinity must peer into the boundless expanse; he who desires to see divine wisdom should consider the bal

neglect

i was watching a video the other day on how to grow ginger and the gardener in the video said if you want to have a green thumb, the one crucial thing you need to do is this: PAY ATTENTION.  boy, how very little we pay attention. sometimes, we only pay attention when we want to be heard, or when we don't agree, or when we want to critique, or when we want to appear more knowledgeable.  but paying attention is much more than being able to pick out the wrongs that need to be corrected. paying attention means observation. sometimes it means not speaking at all. it means biting your tongue. it means reservation. it means wisdom. paying attention means knowing what you need to look out for--Look out for the dogs, the evildoers, said apostle Paul in Philippians 3. it means knowing what to keep yourself from and doing all things possible to avoid being caught in it. it means knowledge of right and wrong and the wisdom to apply this knowledge to our lives.  paying attention means regarding

though we live on the U.S. dollar

so vampire weekend has this really old song called Hannah Hunt, right? a fan favorite but me being a late vw bloomer fan, i of course just discovered it, like, the other day, because it was mentioned on a thread when i was looking up lyrics for another vw song.  so then, me being me being like everyone else, ended up on YouTube to look it up and lo and behold a group called I'm With Her made a cover of the song and oh my goodness it's so beautiful. the change in chord at around 3:50 mark from E-minor to E...ooooooh, it's like butter on toast.  such a treat to my ears! you won't regret it.  vampire weekend is my #goals when it comes to writing. every lyric has a hidden meaning, every song so rich! just genius.

take my life and let it be;

 would you believe that this song by Vampire Weekend called "Hold You Now": ...led me to this hymn called "Take my life and let it be" (originally written by Frances Havergal)? the sample VW used for the chorus was from the movie The Thin Red Line, and it was in a different language. a few clicks and searches later, and there ya go, found the original English hymn...ergo, new favorite! when this pandemic ordeal is over, it's my humble goal to watch the Vampire Weekend live. i love the scope of their creative genius, how they can take samples from other people and make songs out of them that are uniquely theirs. something i'd like to incorporate in my own work.   they're poppy, catchy, accessible to the masses but somehow, at the same time, esoteric and sublime.  perfect balance!